so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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