my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
