That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
