so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i believe in u and ur pee
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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