I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
