So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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