i don't like sucking hair
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
