Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
