I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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