im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
