ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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