What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want to be your penis for a week.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
