Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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