No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize