He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
