I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
