oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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