I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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