I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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