I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
