hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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