I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
