I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
