I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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