That's when you crack a 10am beer
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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