I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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