whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
