Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
