I think I won the penis lottery.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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