now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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