just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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