Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
