guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
