dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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