Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
