Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
