It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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