You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
