I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
