woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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