I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
