I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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