so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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