did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize