I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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