my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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