her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
