I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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