oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
