so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
