Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Soap is not a condiment
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
