i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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