I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
