he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
