So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
