i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What a dumb baby whore.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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