Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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