i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
