You just made me feel so damn special
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
