I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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