i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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