I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
