That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize