My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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