So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
