Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
