How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
