Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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