i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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